A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

An emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned.

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied.

Name the greatest of all inventors: accident.

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.

Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.

When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.

You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

/ Mark Twain

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